Purple Premonition
by Arashinobara Jikkankakyoku
Summary: If you’ve ever wondered why and how the Neo King ended up with purple hair, then this humorous account will enlighten you. If you’ve read Kakera, there are spoilers for the identities of the three ‘strangers’ from chapter eight. SereEndy and very fluffy.


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A/N: CONTAINS _MASSIVE _SPOILERS! Do _not _read on if you don't want to have a large plot point – the identity of the three newcomers in chapter eight of Kakera ni Tsukiakari – spoiled. Unless, of course, you've figured out the obvious already. **

**Jikkan-neechan wrote almost the entire 'memory' at Arashi-chan's behest, and Arashi-chan butchered the rest. /droops/

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**_Remember from Kakera ni Tsukiakari, chapter eight: _**

"You won't tell him, of course," she stated with conviction. "Because if you do, I can let slip those details about just who dyed his best tuxedo _lilac_… and put the same mixture in his _shampoo_. He was walking around with purple hair for nearly a week until hahauegot annoyed with his complaining and shaved him nearly _bald_."

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_**Purple Premonition**_

_Endymion, by the gifts of Gaia and Selene, by election, by prescription, by inheritance, and by conquest…_

Endymion rolled his eyes. Present, future, or ancient past, diplomatic letters were all the same: polysyllabic, complicated, and highly boring.

…_High King beside his High Queen over all Queens in Sol…_

Still, boring or no, they had to be done, and a sheaf of painfully-intricate letters saying no more than 'you're being bad, stop it' was infinitely preferable to 'diplomatic incidents', sending agents, or economic sanction.

…_Emperor of the Lone Planets and Lord of the Earth, Knight of the Most Noble Order of the Kinzuishou…_

Or, worse yet, war.

…_to Vidal Vordarian, son of the House Vordarian, sometime Lord Protector of Vorbarra and now styling himself Emperor of Barrayar, Greeting._

Or so the Neo-King kept reminding himself every time it took a full paragraph to say two words, anyway.

_It has come to our attention that our trusty and well-beloved cousin Gregor the Second, only heir of House Vorbarra and rightful Emperor of Barrayar –_

Endymion sat back from his desk, reminded himself that even if there _were_ pens any more he wouldn't have allowed himself to bite at his anyway, and wondered how he was supposed to find a polite way to say 'We know you had a coup and were sloppy about it; admit it and give up the throne to little Gregor's regent gracefully, before we tell the Milky Way you couldn't kill a three-year-old boy'.

He _had_ to write this letter. He did. And he would! But Gregor was safe in the castle nursery, and it would hardly do anyone any good if Endymion threw the interface out of the window in a fit of pique. Sighing and rubbing at the bridge of his nose, the frustrated king did his best not to scream and wished desperately for an excuse to delay.

There was a flash of movement out of the corner of his eye; his body reacted without the intercession of thought, and his right hand flashed out with a hunter's intent –

– to capture a slender wrist, attached to an equally-delicate hand, which had crept up over the far corner of his desk in an attempt to raid his candy dish.

Endymion swallowed the chuckle. '_A distraction, was it? Ask and ye shall receive._'

"And what's this?" he purred, carefully tightening his grip as the 'intruder' tried to pull away. "A thief? In the King's personal study? How very… _audacious_."

He maintained the hold as he strolled – stalked, another might say – around the desk to hold the 'miscreant' more comfortably. "Let's have a look at you, shall we?" He gave a gentle yank – and if his other hand happened to steady the 'thief' as she rose to be sure she didn't trip on her skirts, well, that was no one's business but his own.

His wife, as ever, was a vision of loveliness; graceful and beautifully-formed, as tall now as her mothers ever might have wished, silk and starlight in a gossamer gown –

And sulking, just a little, dusting at her skirts with her free hand, with the most adorable pout on her lovely face. "I haven't the faintest idea what you mean," she said loftily.

"Really?" Endymion inquired pleasantly. "Nary a one?" He reached for the candy dish with his free hand. "Then I hope you won't mind if I indulge myself for a moment," he said, unwrapping one of the chocolates with deft fingers. "Since, after all, if you weren't filching from my candy dish then you couldn't _possibly_ be interested in the new flavour that just arrived today…"

He held up the solid little ball of chocolate and regarded it thoughtfully, keeping a careful eye on his wife's face. She sniffed uncaringly and turned her head away – but her eyes lingered on his hand. "A different kind of cordial, I was told. If I recall, invented specially for me… now if only I could remember what fruit it was, since they were careful to assure me they hadn't used cherries."

A careless shrug. "Well. I suppose there's only one way to find out…" He bit into the morsel, careful to let the juice dribble onto his fingers. Lavender-blue fell to his hands, watching with fascination and hunger.

Endymion hid a smile. '_Got you, love. A little bothered already?_'

"Marvellous," he said aloud. "Wild strawberry cordials – I must remember to commend the chocolatier…"

He held the other half to her lips for a moment – just long enough for her to realise he was offering – and then pulled it away. "Oh, of course, that's right – you weren't hungry, were you?"

Serenity growled – actually _growled_ – and he gave her a look of mock-surprise. "Now what was that for? You've been protesting all this time that you aren't interested," he reminded her archly, popping the rest into his mouth. He slowly, deliberately licked the syrup and melted chocolate from his fingers, his eyes never wavering from her own.

"Although," he said at length, propping himself against his desk and pulling her toward him so suddenly that she fell against him with a squeak, "I _suppose_ that I could see my way clear to sharing –" he reached for another with his free hand and unwrapped it deftly, "– if you ask nicely."

The Crystalline Queen gave him a look half-disgusted, half-amused, and wondered aloud, "And just _what_ constitutes 'nicely'?" She could have righted herself at any time – might even have pulled away from his grip – but made no move to push herself away from his chest.

"Oh," her husband said cheerfully, "I'm sure you can think of _something_…" he lifted her hand by the trapped wrist and pressed something into it – the next strawberry cordial. "In the meantime, hold this for me, won't you?"

Endymion lifted her hand a little higher before she could really react, and bit into the candy as slowly and suggestively as he could manage, getting her fingers quite sticky; Serenity stared, enraptured, and he was hard-put not to leer at the look on her face.

"Oh, dear," he said mock-mournfully, wrapping his free arm about her waist. "Look at the mess I've made – we'll have to clean it up before it stains your pretty dress." He traced a delicate trail up her middle finger with the tip of his tongue; his lovely wife shivered and let out a little moan.

"Mamo-chan," she said plaintively, and he melted, wrapping her arm about his waist and reaching for another chocolate before she could even say, "_please_."

"Of course, love," he responded softly, and gently parted her lips, slipping the chocolate inside; it had only a moment on her tongue before his resolve broke, and his mouth joined it.

He felt her tug lightly at an errant lock of hair that fell into his eyes and murmur something into the kiss. Breaking it, he watched her glazed eyes and bruised lips with no small pride. "You said something, Tenshiko?"

"Mmm-hmmm," she said, her eyes clearing slowly, but suddenly filled with a confused light. "Mamo-chan, why is your hair pink?"

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Endymion sat up with a start, his heart hammering rapidly from Serenity's shocking words. Falling back onto his pillows with a muffled _thump_, he felt a fine-boned hand caress his bare chest comfortingly, and couldn't help but smile.

"Bad dream, Mamo-chan?" his wife asked drowsily, giggling softly into his kiss. "Mmmmm, nice…"

"You could say that, yes," Endymion murmured – in response to either the inquiry or the comment, he couldn't decide. He propped himself up on an elbow to watch in dismay as long-lashed lids began to close again. Leaning forward to kiss them open, he heard her sigh. "Do you remember the coup on Barrayar?"

Serenity blinked sleepily. "With Vordarian, right? And little Gregor?"

"'Little Gregor' will have been dead fifty-seven years the Friday after next, love, but yes, that's the one."

"You and your details," she teased softly, burrowing into his side, her soft form pressing into his hard one; Endymion bit his lip as she continued to squirm, trying to get comfortable again. "What about the coup, then? I remember it was your turn to write one of those thrice-damned diplomatic missives… or was your dream about _that_?"

He nuzzled the back of her neck teasingly, chuckling at her sharp intake of breath as he allowed his hands to wander deliberately. "In a way… remember when you were craving sweets while you were still pregnant with Mamori and the twins?"

"I remember craving a great many things over the nine-hundred-year pregnancy," she muttered, sounding more awake.

"Come now, it only ever started showing during those last few months –" he hissed as she bit his shoulder gently. "And you're as lovely as ever."

"Flatterer," Serenity chided, but sounded pleased nevertheless. "And yes, I remember that incident – they were _good_ cordials," she said, more to herself than Endymion.

"Yes… and the dream was good, too…" he grinned wickedly at her before his expression turned doleful. "Until you interrupted it to tell me I had pink hair."

Serenity burst out laughing, attempting to muffle her mirth in his chest. "I did, now, did I?" she giggled.

Endymion shot her a wounded look. "You were supposed to kiss it better," he sniffed, mock-injured.

"Koishii, your arrogance – ah, _self-assurance_ – is sturdy enough that a little dream about pink hair wouldn't harm it one bit," she scoffed, rolling away from him and closing her eyes again.

Endymion sidled closer. "But it's time to wake, Tenshiko – might you at least join me in an _invigorating _morning shower?" he wheedled.

The covers flipped back to reveal cross lavender-blue eyes. "Endymion," she stated, watching him flinch as she used his formal name – something that almost always guaranteed a night on the floor or in the hallway – and looked pointedly out at the dark sky outside and then deliberately at the hourglass system that said, quite clearly, that it was half an hour before dawn. "If you want sex, you aren't getting it until I recover from last night. You may take your 'invigorating shower', _my love_, but I'll not join you."

Endymion winced. '_Spurned,_' he thought sulkily, and slipped out from under the sheets. Serenity was already asleep – '_no doubt dreaming of sugar plums_,' he thought unhappily, '_instead of _me'

The king's dark head shot up in surprise as he heard a door close. Retrieving a comfortable house-robe from the floor where it had been hastily discarded the night before, Endymion prowled the royal suite, using the Kinzuishou to enhance his senses in an attempt to locate the intruder.

He smelt the lingering presence of his son, and made a mental note to demand whatever gadget the scamp had stolen from his study back.

Perhaps if Endymion had been in a state of mind to remember the offspring in question's penchant for pranks, he would have hauled the offending teen off for questioning and dismantled whatever the young prince had rigged.

As it was…

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Serenity was still sleeping when he exited the bathroom, towelling his hair. Deciding that it wouldn't hurt to get back into her good graces, he dressed silently in a casual pair of black slacks and dress shirt before leaving the suite.

It was only sunrise, but there was a flurry of activity down in the kitchens, and Endymion nodded a greeting to Jupiter as he donned an apron to cook breakfast. The cooks, disarmed by his easy-going manner in the morning and used to his frequent visits, usually went about their business without too much fuss.

This morning, however, they were giggling madly within ten minutes of his entrance, and there was much indiscreet pointing of fingers until Endymion was quite fed up, though he did his best not to show his exasperation. Was there something on his face? Did he suddenly grow a second head he was unaware of? He ought to have noticed on his way down – there were a great many mirrors in the palace.

His mood soured, and the kitchen staff, perhaps sensing it, subsided, though many continued to dart glances at him. Deciding that simply getting away was a _good _thing, Endymion took the breakfast tray and teleported back to his and Serenity's quarters.

His wife was just waking when he returned, setting the tray on the bedside table and leaning over to give her a good morning kiss. "Ohayou," he drawled when they broke apart, winking as he greeted her in their native language.

Serenity giggled, and leaned forward again, but halted mere inches from his lips before retreating again, much to his dismay. The dismay turned into full-blown horror as she tugged gently at his now-dry hair, inspecting it from all sides. "Mamo-chan…?"

A dreading pause ensued, and a feeble effort to see his reflection in the crystal windows. "…Yes?" he responded finally.

"Why is your hair purple?"

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In another section of the East Wing of the Crystal Palace, where all five Terran royals were housed, two young women smirked at a flinching teen male as their father's furious cry echoed through the palace.

"**_CHIBA TENKAICHI!_**"

Mamori grinned lazily at her younger brother. "Tenka-baka, perhaps you should start running right about now," she drawled. "If you're lucky, you might be able to catch the next shuttle to some distant galaxy on the other end of the universe, though I can't guarantee Chichiue wouldn't come hunting you down."

"He might very well deserve it," Usagi said reproachfully, shooting daggers at her more mischievous twin. "What was he _thinking_? What would the court say if the Neo-King Endymion showed up with _lilac hair_?"

"It's actually more of a dark violet," Tenkaichi muttered, debating whether or not crawling under the bed would save him from his father's wrath. He _really _should have considered the consequences. "His hair was too dark for it to show up, anyway…"

"Nevertheless –" all three felt their angry sire's thundering presence nearing at a rapid pace, "– going to visit Jadeite-jisama might be a good idea now."

The Crown Prince of Earth sank lower down into his seat and wondered miserably if following his elder sister's advice would be considered unmanly.

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**A/N: Don't say I didn't warn you! Now, please tell us what you thought!**

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